Did you know that 50-55% of men between 40 and 70 will likely experience erection difficulties at least oncema? And that 8% of men between 20-29 and 11% of men from 30-39 experience ED at some point?b If you’ve ever found yourself in bed with ED—short for erectile dysfunction—know you’re most definitely not alone. Modern life can be stressful, and it can make ED appear at the most unwanted moment. Culturally men can feel discouraged and embarrassed to even talk about it, creating delay in finding solutions.
Of the 3,445 UK men living with ED surveyed, 63% agree they wouldn’t want anybody to know they have difficulties getting or keeping an erectionc. We want to encourage more open conversations around men’s sexual health, dispel the misconceptions that persist in British culture around men’s attitudes towards sex, and tackle the taboo about ED. We hope you’ll join the conversation and talk about it with your partner, your doctor, even close friends. We want people to lose the stigma and shame around erectile difficulties, so if it affects your life, you’ll feel comfortable you can open up about it as you would for any other health concern.
How Does Erectile Dysfunction Affect Individuals?
Why We Must Break the Stigma and Normalise Conversations about Sexual Health
Common Myths vs. the Truth About Erectile Dysfunction
Inspiring Stories of Triumph: Real People Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction
How to Foster Open Conversations and Empathy for a Fulfilling Sexual Well-being
Frequently Asked Questions About Erectile Dysfunction Stigma
How Does Erectile Dysfunction Affect Individuals?
Sex is a wonderful thing, and intimacy brings you and your partner closer together. When ED makes an appearance, that can add some unwanted tension to your relationship, not because of the ED, but rather the shame leading to lack of communication about it. We recognise that it may not be easy to admit to yourself, let alone say it out loud to your partner. As well as finding the right time, place, and language to discuss. Your partner is also likely to be reluctant to open up the topic for discussion, and may lead to reduced intimacy, which can leave you feeling isolated. Just talking about ED can lift a huge burden off your shoulders. Talking to your partner won’t just help them understand what you’re going through (plus it’ll reassure them your ED has nothing to do with them), but it can be that all-important first step to getting help. It all begins with talking about it and having empowering conversations to help you on the path to managing your ED .
It’s time to have that conversation, and we’re here to help you with our tips on how to broach this subject with your partner and those who can help you.
Why We Must Break the Stigma and Normalise Conversations about Sexual Health
Erectile dysfunction is one of those things that that can make men feel vulnerable. Culturally we don't hear it discussed around the dinner table or down at the pub. You’ve probably only heard other men brag about sex or bring it up when the going is good, but chances are you’ve not heard about the nights when things don’t go to plan. From the outside, it may look like everyone is having a great sex life, and it’s just you who is not having such a good time. And even in cases when it does get brought up, it can be hard to have an honest conversation.
“Well, it's a thing you discuss with your friends as well usually over a beer, which is not always the right time. And the reactions are mixed. Obviously, those that still can poo-poo it, those that can't poo-poo it as well and say, ‘Oh, well, you get to a certain age, and it becomes irrelevant.’ Different people, different things,” says Ben, aged 60n, “And you assess where you are with them really, because you want to find out if anybody else is suffering, that sort of thing. And most tend to make light and joke, so you never really get to the bottom of it with them.”
Remember the stat above? Where 50 to 55% of men between 40 and 70 get ED at least once? Need more numbers to convince you otherwise? Well, more than 85% of men wouldn’t speak to their friends or family about their ED.o It’s more common than the banter with your mates might suggest.
ED is very personal and sensitive, so it’s a topic that many men and women find difficult to bring up. The numbers back this up, too, as a large percentage are even unable to define it correctly (34% estimate from a European Association of Urology survey) or don’t even know what it is (17%)p. Even those experiencing erectile dysfunction first-hand still found it hard to talk about; with a quarter of those experiencing ED in the survey mentioned above never spoke to anyone about it. For the 29% of those with ED who did speak about it, it tended to be their partner and not a medical professional. d
Common Myths vs. the Truth About Erectile Dysfunction
It’s time to dispel some myths, and oh boy, there are quite a lot of them.
Perhaps the main one we want to debunk is that having erection difficulties makes you “less of a man”. It’s not true in the slightest; first, not only do half of men get ED at some point in their lives, but it’s a health problem that can be treated. Whether it’s due to stress or an underlying health condition, ED has nothing to do with your “masculinity”. And when it comes to talking about ED, the first benefit when you open up about ED is that it is likely to help you recognise you’re not alone and there is help or options. Similar to mental health campaigns telling people to talk as it helps relieve anxiety, isolation, etc.e
Another myth we want to put to bed is that ED is a natural part of ageing. In 90% of cases, there is an underlying physical cause for ED, such as heart or circulation problems, high cholesterol, or diabetes. With the remaining 10% due to mental health concerns such as anxiety, stress, or depression. These physical conditions are often age-related but not inevitable with ageing (definitely a case where correlation doesn’t mean causation). Men in their 20s and 30s are not exempt from experiencing erection difficulties; 1 in 4 men in the UK who experience ED are under 40q. The good news is that most of these conditions can be treated or at least managed.
Inspiring Stories of Triumph: Real People Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction
One point we want to hammer home is that ED is something that you can treat. This is why talking about it helps you find solutions and manage ED faster.
We talked to a few people with erectile dysfunction and gained some interesting insight into their experience with ED and their journey to treatment.
Graham, 60n, found his ED, got in the way of a healthy sex life, the cause was actually an issue with his prostate. After talking about his issues with his wife and seeking professional advice, he found an erection treatment that not only helped treat the ED, but also helped him relax more, as “you’re not worried all the time about that”.f Reading and hearing about others’ ED experiences helped Graham feel less anxious: “I think by knowing that you are not alone, it makes you feel a lot better.
“I think, people are a lot more open speaking about things like this now than they were 10, 15 years ago. If you go further back when I was young, you wouldn’t have ever heard of it.”
Emmanuel, 42, with mild ED, says there were a few pressures in both his and his wife’s lives, as both work full-time and have two children, so tiredness and stress impacted their sex life. It was hard for them to talk about it as Emmanuel was reluctant. His partner, however, did bring up his ED, and even suggested taking medication on several occasions. At first, Emmanuel was in denial he needed to even treat his ED and perhaps even felt that it was a personal failure that reflected his virility. Instead, all denial does can cause mild suffering, an in cases of men like Emmanuel, may cause them to abstain from having a sex life altogether out of shame. However, Emmanuel eventually heard a few friends express similar concerns, who recommended trying out a specific medicineng.
So even though he is slow going, Emmanuel is on the road to figuring out what to do about his erectile dysfunction.
Declan, 37, says he felt that the frequency of sex with his long-term partner reduced with big city life, as stress and commuting took over their lives,. He felt that life’s stresses affected his relationship with his partner, and they needed to find a way to get their lives back to keep their sexual connection alive. He brought up the issue with his partner. “After chatting with my Partner I thought I should probably just have a look at some of the products and I tried them out and found it very beneficial.” Although medication is used only once or twice a month, he feels it’s made a significant improvement in his life and helps them maintain the sex life they always had.
In all three cases, the stressors of modern life—along with psychological or even physical health issues—were the main causes impacting their sexual function and frequency. And the common thread connecting the success in all three cases came from the discussions they had with their partners or a health professional. With some lifestyle changes and medication, each of our interviewees managed their ED and helped restore their sex lives.
Seeking Help with Confidence
You really don’t have to suffer. Even though the causes of ED vary from person to person, you can treat it. How it’s treated will depend on what’s causing your ED in the first place, but it’s certainly not something you have to live with. Men often delay treatment as they are reluctant to admit they have a problem and are in denial about it. This only prolongs the issue, so being more open to honest conversations about ED means getting help and treatment earlier and getting your erectile confidence back sooner.
How to Foster Open Conversations and Empathy for a Fulfilling Sexual Well-being
As we’ve seen, communication is key, whether it’s talking about ED with a doctor or with your partner.
ED is not something you have to go through alone, and partners can be supportive by opening a conversation about any signs of ED they may noticen. While many believe they support by not making a big issue of the matter and avoid the discussion as Mohammed, 47 years old, stated “She doesn't make it like a big deal, she doesn't want to stress me out or make this a serious matter.”
If you are the partner of someone with ED, you can be a huge source of support by discussing the issue with care, empathy, and without blame. Erectile difficulties are, of course, a sensitive topic, not just for those with ED but also for their partners. That’s why having the conversation in a relaxed, comfortable, and private setting is important and that the conversation is handled with kindness and compassion. It might just be enough to listen and let your partner know that their feelings are valid and that it’s natural to feel frustrated with ED. Also, when you feel your partner is ready, maybe encourage him to seek treatment—assuring him that it can be treated and there is no shame in doing so—perhaps explore the options together. Neither of you needs to feel alone, there is information to help you both overcome with communication and understanding.h
Frequently Asked Questions About Erectile Dysfunction Stigma
Do men with ED feel ashamed?
The taboo around men’s sexual health would mean some men stay quiet about problems, as failing to perform is embarrassing. This leads to shame, anxiety, and secrecy. Because some men feel like their sexual function can be tied in with a man’s identity, place in society, and self-worth, they may feel like they are not ‘real men’ if they have ED. As 60-year-old Ben said in his interview: "You don't want to admit it, do you? I don't know whether it's a male thing, but that becomes the last resort, admitting the fact that you can't, although it may be noticeable." Or as Alex (age 40) says: “I think it's a little bit of the male pride thing because it’s not something that's easy to admit to yourself, let alone say it out loud especially to your partner.”i
Cultural baggage also surrounds a man’s ability to “perform”. Where men are expected to be “up for it” at all times, and where even their manly ‘honour’ is tied somewhat to their ability to have sex and have sex frequently. And if that’s not bad enough, there is also a stigma that getting help for erectile dysfunction is something to be ashamed of. None of this is true, but it’s understandable why so many men prefer to “hide” their ED from those around them and don’t seek help.h
Is impotence a mental disorder?
“Impotence”, or rather erectile difficulties in general, can be thought of more as a symptom of a range of conditions. For example, ED can have a physical cause, like diabetes and heart or circulation problems, or one due to lifestyle, such as stress from overwork.d ED can, of course, have a psychological root, too, where depression and anxiety can certainly contribute to the onset of ED, but in itself, ED is not a mental disorder but actually a symptom of something else.j
How normal is erectile dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction is not normal (that’s why we term it a dysfunction), but it is surprisingly common. One reviewr that looked at several studies found that 50% of men between the ages of 40 and 70 have reported experiencing ED at some point in their lives. Because of the large variety of causes that ED can have, it’s hard to give a precise number (also, different countries might define the term slightly differently)k.
When is the International erectile dysfunction Day?
International Erectile Dysfunction Day (often called National Impotence Day in many countries) takes place on the 14tg of February, every year. The aim of the day is to raise national awareness of erectile dysfunction or impotence, both amongst the public and health care professionals, about the causes, risk, and treatment of erectile dysfunction.l
Erectile dysfunction is more common than you might think, but most people don’t want to talk about it, and that’s part of the problem. Many believe they have to endure it in silence due to feelings of embarrassment or even shame. But the truth is ED is usually a symptom of something else going on. It’s a medical condition, and that’s why it’s so important to talk about it with your doctor so you can get it treated and treat the cause. In the meantime, there are several medical options available that can help get you back to having a healthy sex life—some are even available over the counter and without prescription, as Cialis® Together. Although these won’t treat the root cause, they can help you to regain sexual confidence and intimacy without having to wait while you’re being treated. Of course, engaging in open conversations with your partner about this issue can provide valuable support and understanding.
MAT-XU-2401153 (v1.0) September 2024
a https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5675239/
bhttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316215#:~:text=Many%20people%20think%20of%20erectile,those%20aged%2030%E2%80%9339%20years.
c https://www.cialistogether.com/en-gb/what-is-erectile-dysfunction
d https://uroweb.org/news/european-survey-shows-alarmingly-low-awareness-of-erectile-dysfunction-majority-does-not-know-what-it-is
e https://www.who.int/data/gho/data/major-themes/health-and-well-being
f From Interview 3
g From Interview 2
h https://www.baltimoretherapycenter.com/how-to-support-your-partner-with-erectile-dysfunction/
i https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-16344-001
j https://www.verywellhealth.com/psychogenic-erectile-dysfunction-5201654
k https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-common-is-erectile-dysfunction-5201068
l https://www.gponline.com/national-impotence-day-14-february/article/631040
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n Based on interviews we conducted with real ED sufferers who gave their consent for their comments to be shared, June 2023.
o The Urology Foundation, “Understanding Men’s Perceptions of Erectile Dysfunction,” July 2023 [Accessed September 2023], https://www.theurologyfoundation.org/images/survey_report_TUF_TRTed_Results_2023-compressed.pdf
p European Association of Urology. “European survey shows alarmingly low awareness of erectile dysfunction: Majority does not know what it is.” (September 21, 2020). [Accessed: July 2023].
q Estimated from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) 2021 UK population data and Irrational quantitative survey 2021, where 3,445 (i.e. 34%) of 10,197 adult men qualified or identified as suffering from Erectile Dysfunction.
r Kessler, A., Sollie, S., Challacombe, B., Briggs, K. and Van Hemelrijck, M. (2019), The global prevalence of erectile dysfunction: a review. BJU Int, 124: 587-599. https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.14813
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